Coming Home
by Clare Bautista
Summary: A Big and Carrie story - this author's version of how things should end between the two of them.


Coming Home  
by Clare Bautista  
  
"So whassup?" Samantha asked as soon as all four girls were in Carrie's apartment.   
  
Miranda, Sam and Charlotte all eyed Carrie is curiosity. Carrie had them all come over and they didn't know what the big emergency was.   
  
Carrie took a deep breath and then faced them. "Okay, you're not gonna like this.....but I want to get back together with Big!"   
  
"What????" the three girls exclaimed in unison.   
  
Then they started talking all at the same time.   
  
"Are you insane?" Miranda said.   
  
Charlotte asked, "Does he know this?"   
  
"He's that great of a fuck eh and you miss the great sex huh?" Samantha put in.   
  
"Hold it, hold it!" Carrie raised her voice. "One at a time."   
  
The three other girls stopped speaking all at once. Carrie sighed in relief. "Thank you."  
  
Sam, Charlotte and Miranda exchanged glaces and then Miranda spoke up for them. "Carrie, what made you decide this?" From the tone of Miranda's voice, it was so evident she was trying not to judge her.   
  
"Well," Carrie said, "I spoke with him yesterday and I just realized how much I missed him. And I realized too, it wasn't just that. It's also that I really love him."   
  
"But didn't you think you really loved Aidan too?" Samantha asked.   
  
"And let's not forget Berger...whom we all loved..." Miranda interjected.  
  
"Only at first!" Samantha protested vehemently. "Let's not forget he dumped her with a post-it! No balls to even face her."  
  
"Right." Charlotte said, nodding her head emphatically at Miranda. "At least Big never did that, even with all his faults."  
  
"Yeah he didn't. He only made her an adulteress by cheating on his wife with her and then he was only going to leave for California without even telling her or at the very least calling Carrie. If she hadn't called him that one night, he would have flown and left New York to Napa without a word." Miranda argued back, very emphatically.  
  
Just then, Carrie raised her arms and yelled, "STOP IT! Please! Hello? Remember me? The one who actually has made the decision and the one who knows that she has a choice in that decision? The one who had the choice whether or no to tell her best friends about it? And the one who is about to regret making the decision to tell her best friends about it now?   
  
They all became silent then, quietly acknowledging the validity of Carrie's outburst. Miranda and Samantha even looked a little ashamed of themselves. Carrie was their friend after all. And a true friend would want to their friends to be happy and able to make their own choices in their lives, even if they disagreed with those decisions and choices.  
  
Samantha faced her friend then and told her gently yet firmly. "Carrie, you know I would never judge you. None of us would." She looked at the other two and they nodded in agreement. "We only wants best for you, honey. We love you and we don't want to see you hurt unnecessarily again. And you have to admit, as divided as we are about your boyfriends or rather ex-boyfriends and the choices you make about them, that we all have a point."  
  
The three girls eyed Carrie, their genuine understanding mingled with worry for the girl they all considered their best friend shining through each of their eyes.   
  
"Yes, all of what you guys said is true. Was true. Past tense. It's all in the past. Things are different now."   
  
"You've said that before Carrie. And you know it." Miranda told her bluntly.   
  
"I know." Carrie replied simply, not denying anything and looking at all of them, one by one.  
  
Charlotte seemed to come down to earth for a moment then and spoke up. "So, if you know all that, how do you know that this time it's going to be different? Like you just said, you've already said that before and you ended up hurt and disappointed then inspite of it all. "  
  
Miranda and Samantha looked surprised to hear Charlotte asked the question. But Carrie looked thoughtful and paused, considering her answer before she replied. A few moments later, she met Charlotte's eyes and answered, in a voice that was a near whisper because of the intense emotion in every word, "Because this time, I'm ready. For everything. For a commitment. For the possible rejection. I'm ready for the possibilities with Big. I don't if I ever told you guys this, but when I stayed with him in The Four Seasons and he had that fever from an infection from his surgery, he started opening up to me. He asked me, what we were doing? And then he fell asleep and the next day the Big I knew was back, his heart was closed again."  
  
"So if he closed his heart yet again, then why decide this? That was only one night Carrie! That doesn't mean it'll ever happen again! The guy was scared and delirious and god knows probably scared that he was going to die and die alone! You can't base your decision now to go back to him because he "opened up" - Miranda made quotation mark signs with her fingers, " during one night of feverish delirium."  
  
"No you don't get it! My decision is not based on that one night. Though that one night did prove to me that I matter to him, that when he's not being controlled by his insecurities and fear, he can open up and admit his feelings, good and bad. But more than that, my decision is based on the fact that I LOVE HIM. No one has come close to making me feel the way he does. He can bring out the best in me and the worst in me. He knows and accepts me for me."  
  
"No one?" Miranda questioned her friend further. "Not even Aidan? You moved in with Aidan!"  
  
"Not really. Not even Aidan. Yes I did move in with him. That was me not able to think at that time of any other way to stay in my apartment. That was me telling myself that when a man kneels down on the street and asks you to marry him, you just say yes. The moment sweeps you away and for that moment you think you're doing the right thing and that you really love this man kneeling before you. But when the moment passes by....and you realize that you do love him, but not enough, then you have to just say no."  
  
The three girls are silent. They look at Carrie, not knowing what to say.  
  
Carrie brushes her hair back from her forehead and sits down. Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte who had been standing as well follow suit. She looks at each of them again before speaking up once more. "Look we can list all the pros and cons of each guy we have all dated and loved and you know what we will be able to find as many cons as pros in that list because we aren't perfect. None of us are. I learned that from my first go with Big. I tried to be perfect for him and it didn't work out. And you know what, I found out later, that he liked me just the way I am. And he gets me. No one else ever did. Aidan picked on my smoking. On my shoe vice. Jack felt competitive because we were both writers. He was insecure and one little criticism was enough to send him reeling."   
  
"He does get you." Samantha agreed, startling Miranda and Carrie. Charlotte looked surprised too, but not as much as the other two. Samantha smiled at Carrie. "I've always felt that. That you had this bond -- oh shit listen to me - what has Smith done to me?"  
  
The other three laughed and a moment later Samantha joined in.  
  
After their laughter subsided, Samantha continued, "You do, you know? And sometimes it's almost like you guys don't get together and get together with other people to test and see if you guys are truly the one meant to be. Love is such a scary word, thought, concept for the two of you, but at the end of it all, you two are really searching for that."  
  
"I remember Big once told me, this was before we dated, when we had just started bumping into each other - he walked into the coffee shopped where I was writing my article and he told me, after all the games and the drama, all guys really wanted was a girl who can make him laugh. And I know we can laugh at and more importantly with each other, you know?"  
  
"I was right." Charlotte spoke up. "You see Carrie, I knew it all along, Big is the one for you."   
  
Carrie gave Charlotte a smile while Miranda spoke again, sighing. "Carrie, you are taking one big, no pun intended, risk! You know that right?   
  
"Yes, Carrie, are you?" Samantha asked studying her face intently.   
  
Carrie was silent for a moment and then nodded. "Yes. I am. Because I know it's him I love. It's always been him. From the very beginning. And I'm ready. Ready to be welcomed with his open arms. And I'm also ready for rejection. Because if I don't take the risk in opening myself up to hurt, then I may never ever be with the man I've loved all this years. It's why I couldn't marry Aidan. It's why I had to insist to Aidan that he and Big become civil. It's why I couldn't bring myself to hell him about Berger at first. It's why it always comes back to him......because I love him. And you know what guys......Charlotte sweetie, I think you're rubbing off on me, but I really do think...no, not think, but I KNOW... he's the one for me."   
  
"Oh please, one of her is enough!" Samantha groaned, rolling her eyes as she pointed to Charlotte.  
  
"Shush!" Charlotte gave Samantha a stern look and then turned to Carrie. "Carrie, if that's how you really feel, then follow your heart."   
  
"Thanks. But you know guys, it may not work out. And Sam, Miranda, I know both of you think it's a mistake, but I still would like to know that you'll both be there if it is." Carrie's looked imploringly at the two of them.   
  
Samantha and Miranda exchanged glances and then finally resigned they turned back to Carrie. Samantha spoke up first. She smiled. "Honey, go for it. If that's what you want, then go for it."   
  
"Thanks Sam." There was a bit of relief in Carrie's voice as Samantha went to where Carrie sat and gave her an embrace.   
  
"If it makes my friend happy, then I'm all for it honey." Samantha told Carrie. "And I know he does."  
  
Carrie smiled at Sam again and then turned to Miranda. Her gaze was wary as she stared at her hot-tempered friend. "Miranda?"   
  
"What are you gonna do about him being in Napa?" Miranda asked, practical and grounded as ever.  
  
"I'll figure that out later.....I just need to know you'll be behind me on this one Miranda. Please. I love him. He makes me happy." Carrie looked at her imploringly.  
  
Miranda looked at her expression very serious and then suddenly, she leaned over swiftly and gave Carrie a great big hug! Carrie laughed. "Heck, if Steve and I can be together, why not you and Big?"  
  
"Right." Carrie chuckled.  
  
"And," Miranda continued, "I also remember something Steve once told me, no one can ever truly know anything about our relationship and what's good and bad for us, except the two of us. And I remember telling you and I'm going to say it now, who am I to say what's good and what's bad for you and Big? Only the two of you can decide on that. So I guess I'm with Sam on this one, whatever makes you happy, makes me happy." Miranda paused and took a deep breath, grinning. "I guess that's just my usual long winded lawyerly way of saying, whatever happens, I'll be here for you Carrie."  
  
Carrie took Miranda's hand and squeezed it, replying happily but in a soft tone, "Thank you."  
  
Carrie turned to Charlotte then, who bounded over to Carrie and hugged her. "You go Carrie. Follow your heart. And whether you get your Prince Charming or you don't, I'll be by your side."  
  
Carrie returned the hug and told Charlotte, "I never doubted that you wouldn't be. You always were the one to remind us not to give up on love. And for that, thank you."  
  
Charlotte simply smiled in that Charlotte way of hers and said, "You're welcome."  
  
"I'm so glad to have great friends like you. Every woman should be so lucky." Carrie stepped back and gave all of them a huge smile. "Thank you all of you."   
  
"You're definitely lucky, sweetheart. Other friends would probably have run out the door right now yelling "she's crazy" "i give up" "  
Samantha told her.   
  
Carrie laughed and then sobering replied, "Yes, I am very lucky."  
  
"We all are." Charlotte spoke up. "We're all lucky to have each other."  
  
The four girls looked at each other, silent for a moment, reflecting at the truth of Charlotte's statement and realizing truly how lucky they are to have such genuine friendship.   
  
Charlotte spoke up again. "We love you, Carrie. And we'll stand by you no matter what happens." Sam and Miranda nodded their agreement.   
  
"So how are you going to accomplish this?" Miranda asked, ready to start to help Carrie map out a plan to accomplish her goal of getting back the man that she loved.  
  
"Well I was thinking of flying to Napa. Then I'll take it from there. I can't really do much three thousand miles away." Carrie told them. "Anyone want to come with me?"   
  
"If it's okay with Steve that he's left with Brady with the help of his mom and Magda, I'll go with you. "Miranda regretfully told her.   
  
Carrie said, "Okay how about the two of you? I think it's time the fabulous four head back to the West Coast!"   
  
Charlotte replied, "I'll have to clear it with Harry but I'm sure he won't mind. He's such a romantic."   
  
Carrie looked at Samantha then waiting for her answer.   
  
"Hmmmmm....do you think there are any cute men in Napa?"   
  
"Hello? Remember Smith?" Charlotte interjected.   
  
Samantha rolled her eyes and sighed. "Of course I do. I'm just asking. And I only plan to look. Looking isn't a crime isn't it?"  
  
Charlotte rolled her eyes and Miranda and Carrie chuckled.   
  
Carrie laughed. "I dont' know sweetie, but you can find out for yourself."   
  
"Alright, I'll go with you." Sam told her, grinning. "I'll give California another try."   
  
"Great!" Carrie replied. "Well, what do you say we all go for some cocktails?"   
  
The girls nodded their agreement.   
  
"Where shall we go?" Samantha asked.  
  
"Are we planning on just staying on the UES? Because we could go to the Hudson Hotel in midtown on the west side." Charlotte suggested.  
  
"Yeah I've been there!" Miranda said. "It's nice place. There's an open air bar."  
  
"I've heard of it," Carrie said. "But I've never been there, though I've heard good reviews."  
  
"Been there once."Samantha put in. "It is nice. Chic. Very fashionable."  
  
"Alright then, to the Hudson Hotel it is!" Carrie said. At that all the girls grabbed their purses and proceeded to make their wait out of Carrie's building.   
  
Miranda was in the lead and as all the three girls behind her were wearing heals they were looking at the stairs that led to the street at Carrie's. They suddenly all bumped into each other. Charlotte into Miranda. Carrie into Charlotte. And as she was bringing up the rear, Samantha into Carrie. It was like a slapstick comedy as all three girls behind Miranda said some exclamation of pain. Almost simultaneously, they all began to protest, "Miranda, what the f----???"   
  
But it was then that they heard a voice and found out the reason why Miranda has stopped in the middle of the stairs so abruptly. There was Big standing next to a tree in front of Carrie's apartment building. Carrie was speechless. It was like a movie! This has to be a dream!   
  
But then he spoke and that hearing the voice after so long, made her realize he was truly there. In New York City. Dressed not in a suit but in a casual manner that surprisingly suited him -- in khaki trousers, a button down shortsleeved dark blue shirt, that was loose just enough and leather brown loafers. And a quick glance at the space behind him found no Town Car waiting for him. It was a definite change. He smiled that familiar smile and looked at the four of them and asked, "Going out ladies?"   
  
Finally Carrie found her voice and asked, "Yes. What are you doing here?"   
  
Carrie made her way down to where Big was on the street. The three other girls stayed behind.   
  
Big looked at her and replied, "I wanted to tell you how much I missed you, kid."   
  
Carrie looked at him, happy at his words, but unsure of his motives. Not knowing what else to say she said, "You could have told me that over the phone."   
  
"I know."   
  
Carrie remained silent then, just gazing into those emerald eyes of his, searching them for what made him come here, Now. She was waiting for him to continue. She knew that he knew that. And he didn't make her wait long. "I missed you kid. I played a hell of a lot Sinatra."  
  
"You told me that already. And that Sinatra thing, you've told me that once before. Tell me something I don't know."  
  
"Something you don't know?"  
  
"Yes. For starters, why are you here? I don't buy the line to tell me you missed me because you could do that on a phone or a computer. So tell me, please, why are you here? Now?"  
  
Big looked at her and then smiled. "Are you sure you're ready to hear it?"  
  
Carrie stared back at him, her eyes never wavering from his. "I am. The question is, are you ready to say it?"  
  
Big nodded slowly and replied in a tender voice that made Carrie's heart just fill with love and she could feel it beating really fast, "Yes, I am. I finally am." He took a step closer to her and he tilted her face up by putting the crook of his finger under her chin. Then at that, he said, "I am here because I love you, Carrie Bradshaw."   
  
Carrie felt her eyes tearing up as she looked at him. "And?" her voice was choked up with motion.   
  
"And as you said, I'm the Chrysler building I belong here in New York......with you." Big told her tenderly, caressing her cheek gently.   
  
"I love you, too." Carrie told him. At that, Big lowered his head down and started to kiss her deeply.   
  
From behind them, they heard hooting and cheering and clapping as they kissed. It got louder until they both began to laugh and they turned to see the three girls cheering them on.   
  
Carrie looked at Miranda who just shrugged and continued to cheer. Big and Carrie went up to them. "You remember my friends?" Carrie said.   
  
"Yes. Hello ladies." Big greeted them.   
  
"Welcome home." Samantha told him.   
  
At that, Big turned his gaze to Carrie and with a tender smile and in the gentlest of voices replied, "Yeah, I am finally home."   
  
end.  
  
  



End file.
